In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
