no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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