When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
