your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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