Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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