what day is it and did you see me today?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
