My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
