You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
