take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize