Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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