You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
