We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
