Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
