Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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