New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize