i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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