i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
