Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
