well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
