there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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