did you get engaged???
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
