Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have aggressive nipples.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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