She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize