So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
