someone threw a dead crab at me
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
