Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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