I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Someone stole a lamp last night.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize