i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He felt like a one man threesome
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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