The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
