She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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