It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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