I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
