there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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