like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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