Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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