I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
