At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
