I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
