I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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