so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
