If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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