also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
