I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
