I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Of course I have a pirate flag
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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