Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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