please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
