wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
