Already got asked if we're dating
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
