my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
