She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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