We won't sleep together?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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