I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
