the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
