Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
