a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
