We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
