new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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