took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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