Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
