Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
