Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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