Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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