i jhust puked up my retainher.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize