The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
