i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
