I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
