Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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