Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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