I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
