Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
