Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
