Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
