i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize