just tell him i said nine months
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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