discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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