Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
