I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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