u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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