Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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