goodnight i made you a song goodbye
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize