She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
