You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
