The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
