Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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