Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize