MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
