and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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