that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
wow bdsm is so cute
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