i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
