Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
