I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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