I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
