YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
