Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
