I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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