what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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