3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
