smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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