my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Randomize
