that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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