i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
