I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
