you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
