it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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