im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
