the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize