I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
