What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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